Mediocrity Anecdote

Let's begin with a story. A little one. This one is mine. It's quite recent, and it starts around the month of August. 

Exams. A term that we're all familiar with. Honestly, the word gives me chills. Everytime I hear it, all the thoughts and memories of stress surround my mind. It's almost scary. Why you ask? That has an explanation as well - I live in a country where the number on my test paper is an obsession. I'm a victim of studying only for marks. And the pressure is more than it is in a pressure cooker! 

The time I spend during class is purely for learning. I mean, it's so fun to learn new things. I am someone who gains satisfaction by solving maths and enjoys exploring the mysteries of chemistry. It's simply amusing. But as soon as the computer is shut down, the pool of homework and submissions drowns me completely. Sometimes, I've to immerse myself. It's the end of the trail. Get onto the rat race to ensure the extra mark. 

But the experience of my Internal Assessment helped me realise, that my actions were wrong. 

I started studying extra hard, went crazy with the memorizing. Each line learnt was a step closer to the perfect score. I practiced maths rigorously and focused entirely on the syllabus and nothing more. All I did was buried myself in my textbooks. Other than marks, all of this was also to avoid any regret. "Oh! I wish I had studied a little bit more". This continued during the course of the exam. All exams went well, and I believe I also got a full score in most of them. Most, not all. That was a triggering point. I had gotten a question wrong. One question. 19/20. A mark lesser than perfection. The thoughts of regret and fear and stress came back again. How could I? Only one question? I have failed. . After soo much work and metal exhaustion, I had to do more? Unbelievable. But these thoughts didn't come out of nowhere. An acquaintance had gotten a perfect score in all the internal tests the previous year. I wanted to challenge that score. That comparison was what mattered. I was one step below. Average. 

Even with such glorious marks - my personal bests and ultimate dedication, only the 19 was revolving around my mind. 

I didn't realise the negativity of my emotions while overthinking. On one hand it was there, haunting me. I, one the other hand, distracted myself. I love watching interviews and Ted Talks. So I did just that. That's when I stumbled across this video. Soon a tear rolled down my eyes. It made me question my feelings towards the 19. And here is what I thought. 

Why do we live? I mean it's really difficult right? My answer to that would always be "to be satisfied, happy and meaningful to someone else". I try to be meaning to be someone everyday. Try. I try to control negativity and try to look for the positives. But what about being satisfied? Hunger and greed result in success. The quantity is immeasurable. So satisfaction through success is very difficult to achieve. So what else could I do? Dread and work hard to reach a level when I'm "satisfied"? Or find satisfaction. Is this satisfaction gained through being the best in every stage of life? No! It's mentally taxing to be the absolute best at all stages. There ARE going to be ups and downs. So, do we lament being non-excellent. That's only going to make us to ask for more. Greed. "ah! I could've done more" . This mentality is not giving us any joy, rather, pain. Perfection is a concept, not reality. Bring me one perfect person. You could find several imperfections in the ways and actions of a person. It's the one thing that is absolutely impossible. But what's possible? Giving yourself love. Being proud. Working hard, but not to an extent that it becomes damaging. In out fast lives, it's very difficult to draw a line. We always want to be bigger and better! But, my friend, you can't always be the best. There will always be someone better than you, a step ahead, more closer to perfect. But don't you ever stop! Grow, change and learn. Never compare. If you do, you'll be mediocre in every aspect. Records are being broken. But does that mean that you're not worth it? That you're efforts are unnecessary? When you know you worked hard, why not be satisfied. Why not give ourselves a break! Let's just be happier, not greater.

There are innumerable things to be grateful about. We're lucky. And average is awesome.